This copy is for your personal non-commercial use only. I grew up always expecting an arranged marriage. Several happy couples I knew were introduced by their families, and my own Pakistani parents met for the first time on their wedding day. But when the time came, my brief foray into the world of desi matchmaking left me so frustrated, I swore off the practice completely. There, I had made an offhand comment about being an introvert which ended up twisted in the wrong way. The true horror? Fortunately, I turned to online dating and found my amazing husband on the Muslim version of Tinder. I preferred being able to develop a relationship in privacy rather than having our families dissect every word we said to each other. Instead, I finished hate-watching the show more frustrated than ever.
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My third year in Toronto, after moving from Bolton, Ont. Living independently from my Indian-Canadian family for the first time, I felt like this unfolding news story cast a dark shadow over my experience of being young, queer and South Asian in the city. However, my experiences using dating apps to meet people in the city only reinforced the fears those McArthur victim images struck in me. I often got the feeling, when guys started getting explicit in their chat without my consent, that they only seemed to want to get to know me because they fetishized brown men.
Many of the feelings of being either insulted or dismissed for who I am , that first year, felt all too familiar. My middle school years in small-town Ontario were rough. I was mercilessly ridiculed for everything from enjoying The Devil Wears Prada still love it! It was great to finally have people to talk with about my sexual identity, but, much like my high school in general, it was a very white space. Back then, I felt like I had to choose between being Indian and being gay.
So, I chose gay. A big shift happened for me last summer, when I started performing in drag. I no longer wanted to have to forsake my cultural heritage to go deeper into my queer identity, and it felt good to marry these two fundamental parts of who I am in such a public way.
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The most egregious example in “Indian Matchmaking” of enforcing women’s The last straw was when I ended up on a date with a man’s sister.
For members of traditional South Asian communities, marriage—in Hindi and Urdu, shaadi —is the single most important event in life. To help unmarried South Asians find a suitable partner, Anupam Mittal, a Mumbai entrepreneur, launched the dating website shaadi. Like Lavalife, match. But Shaadi bills itself as a site for people who want to marry, not a hangout for promiscuous daters, and it requires that its members indicate skin complexion and religion and caste—decidedly old-fashioned ideas that have created something of an image problem.
Many of its members deny they use it out of embarrassment. Justin Thomas, 31, freelance software developer and mother Valsa Thomas, 57, oncology nurse.
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If you ask Ria Aikat, 30, and Jennalee Desjardins, 33, to describe an unusual element in their dance routines, they will likely say—laughter. Meet the Giggle Queens. So, we felt we had to make a small corner for ourselves in the dance world.
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