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Following a romance in my early twenties with an older man who, I eventually accepted, was simply at a different stage of life, I went through a series of short relationships of varying significance. I was searching for a committed relationship with a supportive partner, someone I could love deeply and who shared my values and goals. Like many singles, I had created an online dating profile. But I rarely logged in. Now I decided to take it more seriously—these days, I seem to hear fewer and fewer stories of real life meet-cutes.
Meanwhile, online, I could decide between sites with free memberships, such as Plenty of Fish; paid sites with an older, more earnest clientele, such as eHarmony; niche sites such as JDATE and Gluten-Free Singles; and many others, all slightly differentiated by price, demographics, and objectives. I signed up for Tinder and Bumble—two apps with simple interfaces that invite users to swipe on pictures of people they find attractive—as well as OkCupid. The last includes more substantial personal profiles.
Theoretically, the online world offers greater odds of finding a partner than does a chance meeting at a party. Being online is like going to a party without encountering all the people who trap you in boring conversations. It made me feel that I was more likely to find someone with whom I actually connected—not just another pretty face. I uploaded pictures and filled out my profile with basic demographic information—height, body type, religion, and education.
Over the following months, I would play with this slightly: I variously described myself as a dreamer, book lover, learner, educator, and writer, someone who views the world with a glass half-full of optimism and a dash of sarcasm.
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She seemed to really like the fact that I was Asian. She grew up watching K-pop, and said she would always think, Asian guys were so cute. The “cute” had the tone one would use when describing a baby. I joined and saw thousands of Asian men and black women engaging in a rich cultural exchange. They were posting photos of themselves, discussing social justice, sharing viral videos. Some of them advertised real life meet-ups and dating events.
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Sumiko Wilson February 13, As I waited for my Tinder date to arrive, I got deeper and deeper into his social media. Before my ex and I began our two-year courtship, I bounced from situationship to situationship without any real attachment to anyone I was dating. But after falling in love with my ex, I experienced the intensity of my first serious relationship and endured the pain of my first breakup.
Once we had parted ways, I longed for something casual again. So shortly after we broke up, I downloaded Tinder. Naturally, being on a date with a complete stranger, like the one I was waiting for at that downtown restaurant, was an adjustment. By the time my Tinder date, a regular-shmegular Bay Street bro, sauntered in, my social media research confirmed that he had never dated a Black girl before.
Whether or not his ex was dead was inconclusive, but I digressed.